by Karen Patterson

I can not remember, I can not recall

So many names, I can’t remember at all

Like sand slipping through my fingers

While other memories tend to linger

When I wish to bring back facts

Stress triggers my mind to pull back

Making it so I can’t remember at all

Through mental cracks names do fall

Be it the names of people, places, books, or movies — I have the hardest time remembering them. I’m not sure if it’s a byproduct of Parkinson’s disease, aging, or something else. It’s been an ongoing issue that seems to get worse as I get older.

Stress and trauma make it even harder. I’ll be going about my life, minding my own business, happily working on one project — or ten. Then, if a particularly stressful event or piece of news comes my way, or even just an unexpected circumstance rattles my nerves, whatever I was thinking or doing before is gone. Poof! Erased completely, until I’ve had time to process the new information.

For years, I’ve referred to this as the “three-hour to three-day delay” in my thought process.

Dosage anxiety times are the hardest for me to stay focused The period of about an hour before to an hour after I take my carbidopa/levodopa. Too often, this is also when I have the most difficulty processing and retaining information. If I’m stressed out, it’s even worse. Even a well-planned joke can fly right over my head. The solution or correct response to a situation often doesn’t come to me until three hours — or even three days — later. A little too late for jokes to land or for insights to make their mark. I end up chuckling alone in frustration for missing the boat.

Helping Cognitive Decline

The lessons I’ve learned in Jam for Joy and the Work and Wellness improvisation classes have helped my cognitive decline immensely. I don’t miss nearly as much. And the life lessons I’ve gained in Robert Cochrane’s Cinema Therapy classes have helped me see these off-moments as learning opportunities, rather than failures.

Still, there are times when I’ve found myself in those treasured classes too close to pill time, caught in a cognitive fog — struggling to keep up with even the simplest instructions or games. It happens if I have to take a pill in the middle of class. I try not to, but as we all know, our brains need that daily dose of dopamine. And unfortunately, our symptoms don’t care whether it’s a convenient time or not.

There are No Wrong Answers

That’s why it’s so great that, within these classes, there are no wrong answers. We help each other and play through whatever challenges we’re facing in the moment.

As we age, we are all susceptible to some form of cognitive decline. It’s a scary, sad truth we must all face and learn to navigate. There’s no quick fix to prevent it. Keeping our minds active and engaged — along with proper diet and exercise — definitely helps. But still, we must be prepared. Yes, and we need to watch out for one another. It amplifies the importance of having a supportive team — people who are ready to catch us when our minds start to slip.

Regarding my own cognitive decline, I have doctors in two different states who are amazed by how much my involvement in Cinema Therapy has improved my symptoms — especially my memory and ability to think my way through stress.

Make no mistake, I still struggle. Sometimes I can’t remember the simplest things — like which direction to turn the shower knob for hot or cold water. But overall, my thinking has improved so much that my neurologist and I recently discussed the possibility of reducing my medication.

Yes, and

Yes, and — those two magic words — help me roll with the brain fog and even laugh through it. They teach me how to celebrate failing big. No matter how many times I flip the wrong light switch or can't find something hiding in plain sight, I remind myself: it’s all part of getting older. Just like the gray hair, it happens to all of us — with or without Parkinson’s.